Being a man often means that you’re tasked with making the first move. Movies, songs and novels invariably portray men as approachers and women as passive recipients of male advances, and endless ink has been spilled providing men with strategic tips for talking to women. However, it’s the 21st century, and sometimes you might want to sit back and let women approach you for a change, whether it’s online dating or IRL. Of course, you don’t want to fade into the wallpaper and miss your chance of making a connection at all, though. Here are nine ways to maximize the likelihood of her approaching you:
1. Dress Well
If you can capture a woman’s interest before you’ve so much as exchanged a “hello” you’re on a good footing for her to approach you, and the simplest way to grab her attention is by dressing well. (Well, being heartbreakingly good-looking is the best way, but this one’s within your control.) You don’t necessarily have to don expensive suits or shell out for designer labels: the key is to develop a sense of style that gives a small insight into your personality and approach to life, so she’s got some indication of what you’re like before you start a conversation. Some women are attracted to the sporty look, others love a tortured artiste aesthetic, and even more simply appreciate a man who can match his shoes with his pants. Portray yourself honestly and authentically to avoid mismatching expectations.
2. Craft A Witty Tinder Bio
Let’s face it: if you’re seeking romantic approaches, it’s about as important to have a strong online presence as it is a real life one. Due to its increasing ubiquity you’ve probably considered Tinder as a dating option. If you want women to strike up a conversation with you rather than vice versa, you’re going to need to move beyond simply selecting a few flattering pictures and get to work crafting a clever bio. Avoid cliched lines such as “I’m willing to lie about how we met!” and “If you don’t look like your pics you’re buying the drinks until you do!” — they might sound witty to you now, but every second profile of your fellow men contains those lines. Be positive, open, funny and relatively brief, and you’ll give yourself the best possible shot at being approached.
3. Give Her An Opening
Sticking with online dating for now, If you’re on a dating website or dating apps, include a question in your profile that she can answer (“Talk to me about what you’re listening to right now”, for example, or some of these questions.) This gives her an easy opening and spares her agonizing over the best way to approach you, reducing the likelihood that she won’t bother at all.
The ability to dance well is not within everyone’s grasp, but if you happen to be a confident dancer, this is a great way to attract women. Good dancing shows women your coordination, rhythm and sense of unbridled joy, and it can be a fun, low-stakes way for them to get close to you physically. Even if you aren’t a Justin Bieber on the dance floor, if you’re having a genuinely good time and exuding positive vibes women are likely to find that every bit as — if not more — attractive than if you’re busting out perfectly choreographed moves. If you hate dancing then skip the stiff, arms-by-sides shuffle though: dancing tends to be an all or nothing thing, so if it’s torture for you then stick to the other suggestions on this list!
5. Be Well-Groomed
Let’s go right back to basics: if you want women to be attracted to you, let alone approach you, you must be well-groomed. A great haircut, killer beard or well-moisturized skin can pique the interest of nearby women more than you would think, so invest a bit of time into your hair, skin and nails.
6. Smell Good
In a similar vein, smelling good is a key way to attract women. Having good personal hygiene is a must and you should always at least be smelling clean (come on!), but a well selected cologne can be the difference between an un-batted eye and a string of heart-eye emojis.
7. Be Nice To People
Women consistently rate it a turn off when men are rude to service workers, and, in general, having a positive and pleasant attitude towards those around you will vastly increase your chances of being approached. For example, a woman might overhear your pleasant banter with the bartender who makes your drink and decide to say hi, or hear you making life easier for the cleaner at the office and form a warm impression of you. Of course, you shouldn’t only be kind to people around you in the hopes of attracting nearby women, but if it happens to do so, that can only be a win-win.
8. Use Your Body Language
A lot of men don’t realize that women put in significant ground work to show men that they are amenable to being approached. Flirtatious body language such as smiling across the bar and having open, inviting posture can create signals that you’re interested in talking to her, and will help build her confidence to approach you by indicating that she won’t be rebuffed. Pay attention to the non-verbal cues you are giving her, and talk to your female friends about this if you’re still confused: Women tend to have plenty of experience with signaling that an approach is welcome, or not.
9. Create Something
Short of pure physical attraction, it’s difficult to get women to approach you without giving them some indication of what makes you tick. To make a deeper connection with a potential romantic partner, you should throw yourself into projects that matter to you; sharing any art and insights that you form along the way. Whether it’s a small public blog or a show in your local gallery, if a woman can see what you’re passionate about and finds it engaging, she’s likely to approach you to discuss it — and perhaps suggest your first date.
So there you have it! There are, of course, no ways to guarantee that women approach you, but taking the above tips on board will at least ensure more positive interactions with the people around you, and may in fact convince your dream girl to take a chance by saying hi.